Yet, here I am. Still learning the lesson of what it means to live this big family life. Learning what it means to parent several adult children AND playing with my six year old. Learning what it means to be married in the "middle" years.
And struggling. With my faith, with believing in myself, with the world we live in (which often just feels like a giant dumpster fire).
At the end of last year, I struggled to think about what word I would carry with me through the new year. I settled on receive. I am busy. All the time. I know this year God wants more stillness from me. To listen more, to receive him in every way he offers Himself to me. I picked this knowing that in order to receive I also had to be willing to be emptied, to make space for grace. This won't always be pleasant.
But that word didn't feel like enough. I felt like God would have me active in the world for Him, to use this grace to give Him glory. After sneaking a peek at some of the words a friend was considering, I also settled on create. Not entirely sure how this will play out. But I'm claiming it.
Which brings me to, yes, a third word.
Race.
Just as January started, my sister texted me. She invited me to run in a 10 mile race in Philadelphia, a fundraiser for the American Cancer Society, held in May (it would fall the day after my Godson's First Communion). She mentioned it is "very Philly". Haha. I thought about it. I talked to my husband. I texted with my sister again. They both expressed their confidence in me, encouraged me to do it. I had mostly decide to do it, but had not yet registered.
A few days later I was running. Just intervals. An ankle injury in November had taken forever to heal and I was very much NOT in running shape. I suddenly doubted my ability to run this race at all. Then a song came on my playlist. It was Guiding Light by Mumford and Sons. This was a random workout playlist I was streaming from Amazon music. For whatever reason I tuned into the words as I ran. It wrecked me. And God spoke in my heart. Run the race. Run to me. Run with your feet and with your heart. Do this.
I could tell you all the back story on why this was so powerful. The invitation from my dear sister, that I love so much, when things have been strained. God speaking clearly, unmistakably in answer to a prayer, even if it was wondering if I should run a race. God speaking. To me. Run the race. I cried as I ran and when I got home I registered.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the
upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
